This is the last in my series of posts about maternal mental wellbeing and what’s helped or hindered both my own, and that of my clients.
But this one is by no means the least in terms of the impact it can have.
So far we’ve talked about sleep and how our own attitude, perspective, mindset and expectations around sleep can have more of an effect on us than the sleep itself. We’ve talked about being honest and getting our needs met, asking for help and accepting it when it’s offered. We’ve talked about the language we use, the way we communicate...and now we’re talking WHO we communicate with.
Not just in terms of physical actual people, but also in terms of media, social media, the types of energy and values we’re around both physically and digitally. It all makes a difference.
We ALL know the terms ‘radiators and drains’, right? Well that’s because it’s true. There are just some people and some circles that light us up, that make us feel good about ourselves and our choices, and some that really, really don’t. And never has this been more true than in motherhood.
If you have a super high needs, little one who suffers with reflux, cries a lot and finds sleep challenging, and you prefer to parent in a super respectful, attachment led way, you are NOT going to get anything you need from a group of mums who all have very chilled babies, or who have sleep trained, for example. You’re just not. They won’t understand what you’re going through or why you won’t just ‘help yourself’ by trying to change something. You won’t understand why all their babies just sleep and yours doesn’t. All it will do is highlight your differences, and if you’re feeling vulnerable it could lead you to feeling judged, to questioning your own decisions and to feeling utterly utterly misunderstood and alone…not a good recipe for mental strength and stability.
Much better to find a group of mums who get it. Who empathise. Who share your values. Who won’t keep trying to tell you what to do and roll their eyes when you try to explain why that won’t work for you. Who allow you to just be, to speak, to be heard. I have two such groups on facebook and you’re very much invited to join us there. The first is a free community for those who just know they don’t want to parent like everybody else and need a safe haven full of solidarity and support and free from shit advice. You can find it here. The second is a paid membership community for those looking to become an EVEN better mum, to understand themselves and their little ones better and to believe in their role as the best mum possible for the job. You can find out more about that one here.
Same goes for social media…be mindful. If you’re mindlessly scrolling social media accounts that make you feel second rate, have you second guessing yourself or feeling in any way less than…STOP IT! It is NOT serving you at all. Instead find accounts that lift you up, give you hope, inspiration, sensible science based advice that aligns with YOUR values, or that make you laugh!
Be ruthless…you don’t owe it to anybody or anyone to stick around, to follow. Let anything and anyone go that isn’t serving you. Walk away from any conversations that bring you down. Drop whatever it is that’s draining your energy. Find your people. Find YOUR people.
And breathe x