Not all sleep struggles are created equal…and neither are all reactions to sleep struggles.
The way we think about sleep, feel about sleep and react to sleep is the single biggest factor in how much or how little we are affected by sleep.
What might seem like an absolute disaster to one family, is perfectly manageable to the next. What might send one mama spiraling down into the pits of sleep deprived despair, bounces off the next like water off a duck’s back.
Why is that?
I bring you the 6 archetypes of sleep.
1. The sleep victim
This mama wonders why on earth this is happening to her and takes all sleep struggles personally. What on earth can she have done to deserve this!?
The sleep victim takes no responsibility for her own life, decisions, day to day functioning, but instead blames everything going wrong in her life on the sleep…none of it is her fault or even vaguely within her control, it’s all because of the sleep.
You’ll hear her using words like ‘I have to…’, ‘I can’t…’, ‘I’m the only one who…’ and is constantly paranoid that she’s making a rod for her own back or creating bad habits.
This mama hates her sleep situation and would love to experience more joy in motherhood, but is too stuck in victim mode to take any effective action to improve her lot.
2. The sleep slave
Sleep dominates this mamas entire life. Every day, every move, every decision is made according to the effect it may or may not have on sleep.
Outings are planned to the nth degree, lavender drops are measured with military precision, naps and wake ups are timed and logged without fail.
This mama is obsessed with sleep and if anything threatens her carefully laid out plans she will lose it big time.
Pressure is at an all time high and even the slightest sleep slipup has her questioning all the plans she made, going back to google and wondering where on earth she went wrong.
3. The sleep martyr
This mama has surrendered to her sleep struggles and has given up hope that life will ever get any better. She does whatever she needs to do to get her little one to sleep and has totally forgotten her own needs in the process.
She lies for hours at night needing the toilet but not going in case it wakes the baby.
She cancels plans with friends in case little one won’t settle for the babysitter.
She never asks for help and says she’s fine if anyone offers.
She ploughs on doing all the things for everyone else all the time whether they really ‘need’ doing or not. Whether she’s totally exhausted or not.
She does nothing for herself. Nothing for her own happiness…she’s not sure what exactly does make her happy anymore. But keeping everyone else happy despite being soooo tired is where she’s at.
4. The Sleep Maverick
The sleep maverick doesn’t care what you think. She doesn’t care for ‘rules’ shoulds, rods and habits.
When sleep goes squiffy she flexes, rides it out, daring anyone to question or judge her in the process.
She doesn’t have any particular strategy or routine but goes with the flow and follows her little ones cues. She doesn’t care if he naps 3 times one day and not at all the next. Or if bedtime wasn’t until 10pm…so what?
She gets on with her life, sleep or no sleep.
5. The Sleep Sage
The sleep sage cares not for google, or self professed baby sleep gurus, preferring instead to equip herself with evidence based knowledge and information to make her own informed choices.
When sleep takes a turn for the worse she doesn’t get sucked into worry and panic, but remains calm and level headed and approaches the situation with a detached curiosity, looking for clues and cues as to what might be happening for her little one right now.
She’s still all about the sleep, but she stays present & mindful so can react from a place of love, not fear under pressure.
6. The Sleep Sovereign
The sleep Sovereign is doing motherhood, her way.
She has all the sleep science under her belt and practises her mindset tools daily so can dance light-footed through sleep struggles as and when they happen… in fact she can even tell you when they’re going to happen and be ready for them when they come.
All her choices and decisions are totally informed and right for her and her family. And she owns them. She does not question herself, second guess herself or wibble when somebody tries to tell her what she ‘should’ be doing. She smiles, nods, and moves on.
This mama is in control…of herself, of her life, of her reactions.
She makes time for herself and makes meeting her own needs an absolute priority, no matter what sleep is doing.
She is a rock. A mountain. Unswayed by sleep shiz, unwanted opinions, well meaning advice.
She is confident, compassionate and connected…to herself and to her family.
This is what motherhood can be like.
This is what I work with my mamas on… You can get started by signing up to Sleep Calm & Carry on for just £29, we start tomorrow